The last three and a half years have been the most challenging of my life – and I’m not talking about law school – I’m talking about learning how to live again. I try, but not a single day goes by that I don’t think about it. The month I spent in surgical ICU was my own personal hell. I read war stories, and I feel comparatively that this was my own war against death. I won. The great spirit wanted me to win.
In the aftermath, the greatest comfort I’ve found is in the stories people have shared with me of their own personal battles with death or their struggles with daily pain that also have no visual manifestation. This is why I always openly share my story.
After the major battles were over, I wanted nothing more than to return to the path I had planned – of course that had to be altered, but I worked like mad, through the physical pain and limitations, through the cognitive frustration, through the feeling of detachment from humans that haven’t met death. I’ve pushed through so relentlessly with two goals: 1. Become an attorney, just as I had planned 2. See the entire world. I’m working diligently on both.
The first goal is completely out of my hands for the moment. I have done everything I possibly can to achieve it, and there is nothing to do but wait for results. Every once in a while a fear of failing the bar surfaces, but I visualize those fears like Sophia’s (my niece’s) bubbles – popping and dissolving in thin air. It just doesn’t matter as much as I used to think. Life adjusts.
The second goal is well on its way to being accomplished, but it will gladly be a life long journey 🙂
In this moment, I just want to breathe. I remember, in ICU, when it had been a month since I had eaten food, and all I wanted was a meal – now I am tasting my food with new senses.
I remember when I was trying to take a few steps for the first time, and all I wanted was to do yoga – now I do yoga with an enlightened perspective. Now, I desire to take in the world like it’s my first trip here. Taste, see, and smell (yeah even the peeps next to me on the plane) everything! The trek from Miami to Vancouver was hard on my injuries, and I know there is more of that to come. But for this moment – this one moment – I have no stress, no deadlines, no responsibilities. It’s just me and the world. I am savoring every minute of the present. This moment right now is what I’ve worked so hard to obtain.
It’s a cold and rainy day in Vancouver and all my plans had to be adjusted – but I’m as happy as can be.
Life is beautiful! Life is a very precious gift; open it carefully and enjoy it slowly.